On the IVF train…

I guess we’re on the path of IVF. I still haven’t quite wrapped my head around it. I went in for a consultation after my 2nd failed IUI. I barely sat my butt in the seat when my RE announced we would be starting the IVF process. I instantly became alarmed because of the financial burden of this. Lucky for me (if you can consider dealing with secondary infertility lucky), my state just passed a bill to have insurance cover infertility. Obviously, we don’t know what exactly that is going to look like yet. But its a glimmer of hope at least.

We’re looking to begin the process in the early fall. That means I get to spend the summer enjoying my time with my lil man and not stressing about anything right? Does anyone actually know how to turn their brains off for a moment and stop thinking about pregnancy? Id love to know the secret to this. Even with this set plan I still keep googling possible resolutions for male factor infertility and hoping.

I met with a bariatric medicine doctor. I am very nervous about the IVF drugs and weight gain when I am already so overweight. I figured it couldn’t hurt to have a physician guide me on a low carb, high protein diet. I am at my all time highest weight of 262.4lbs. I am going to start the program on Monday. So today I went to the bagel shop…twice. And got the biggest ice cream cone from the local creamery. I wonder if this is how an alcoholic feels taking his last drink before entering rehab…

Of course in my attempt to focus on me and get to a healthier weight, I still think about the possibility of a spontaneous pregnancy. Like what if I lose some weight and inadvertently improve my husbands sperm count with my low carb cooking and BOOM I end up pregnant?!?! I am so taken with this idea that I rejected the doctors prescription for a medication to protect my gallbladder during weight loss because I was concerned what would happen if I got pregnant and didn’t know. The constant, all consuming thoughts are relentless.

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